Topic: Betrayal
Oh boy. I think I've bitten off more than I can chew this morning. Betrayal, oh, what an act. As I sit here, drinking cup of coffee number one, I'm trying to reach within for the emotions I attach to this dreadful topic. Like anger or hatred, the feelings are bastard children in my head I'd rather not deal with.
The fabric of emotion... Betrayal is like a crepe bedcovering, all wrinkled and puckered up. It can't be ironed out without becoming completely misshapen, so you must rest with it as it is, unsightly, yet warm. There is no good side to it. No way to turn it around to make it look better.
Or maybe it's like an illness. Does it not make you physically sick? When it hits, there's a rush of adrenaline so strong it makes you want to puke, followed by frenetic activity, most likely driven by denial. Because it can't be. How could he/she/they? And why? Why? WHY?
So you scour your soul, like a tweeker going after a bathtub ring. Perhaps, if you look hard enough, you'll find the BIG FLAW, that which made you deserve it in the first place. Pointless I say. Why kick your own ass? Go out and get that mofo that did you wrong. Better yet, fantasize about getting that mofo that did you wrong.
I think betrayal puts us in a position of vulnerability and volatility. It's a snake bite. It knocks us down and makes us retreat. The rest is necessary though. Gotta think, gotta assess, gotta be able to come back running. (or something like that....more coffee, please!)
The fabric of emotion... Betrayal is like a crepe bedcovering, all wrinkled and puckered up. It can't be ironed out without becoming completely misshapen, so you must rest with it as it is, unsightly, yet warm. There is no good side to it. No way to turn it around to make it look better.
Or maybe it's like an illness. Does it not make you physically sick? When it hits, there's a rush of adrenaline so strong it makes you want to puke, followed by frenetic activity, most likely driven by denial. Because it can't be. How could he/she/they? And why? Why? WHY?
So you scour your soul, like a tweeker going after a bathtub ring. Perhaps, if you look hard enough, you'll find the BIG FLAW, that which made you deserve it in the first place. Pointless I say. Why kick your own ass? Go out and get that mofo that did you wrong. Better yet, fantasize about getting that mofo that did you wrong.
I think betrayal puts us in a position of vulnerability and volatility. It's a snake bite. It knocks us down and makes us retreat. The rest is necessary though. Gotta think, gotta assess, gotta be able to come back running. (or something like that....more coffee, please!)
posted by little scribbler @ 9:37 AM
2 Comments:
At 8:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
there are words,
certain wrds that dig like nails
when repeated out loud.
in this sphere live in
i have yet to clearly say to someone who matters, you betrayed me.
a clear and just conscience has the right to such statements,
my sins abort the breath
as it climbs into the seat
of the word betrayal.
i work hard to be true, and its those sins of the past that drive
this intention in part.
sick feeling accompanies it,
if there is true betrayal, then it is accomplished without thought of bridges burning.
my father betrayed me once,
and hes gone, i dont miss the mistrust.
At 7:06 PM,
little scribbler said…
Read this once, read this twice, read this three times and said: Yes!! Raw honesty, not to imply that what you wrote isn't thought out or lacking clarity. It's more like a naked truth peeking out from under a petticoat. Thank you anon...
Post a Comment
<< Home