Topic: Children

Hmmm....

may you believe deep inside that someone loves you,
may you have shelter and food, safe places inside and outside of yourself,
may you have the oppertunity to fall down, to pick yourself up
without having to be told how to do it,
may you have the freedom to express all things without fear,
I blow a wish for love to come from many places so you can see its many forms,
may you learn peace and tolerance as you learn to disagree,
learn to find solutions that don't involve too much comprimise of your will
if it is true,
may you have arms to hold you
kisses for your cheeks and head
someone to tickle-wrestle
someone to love,
may you be spoiled just a little by a special friend,
may your caretakers set limits and teach boundaries,
may they know theirs as well,
understand that grown-ups are learning too,
may your dreams be nurtured
your nightmares quelled
your prayers heard
your hand held
your hair caressed
your stories listened to
your self appreciated
your body safe and
your spirit free

Topic: Betrayal

Oh boy. I think I've bitten off more than I can chew this morning. Betrayal, oh, what an act. As I sit here, drinking cup of coffee number one, I'm trying to reach within for the emotions I attach to this dreadful topic. Like anger or hatred, the feelings are bastard children in my head I'd rather not deal with.

The fabric of emotion... Betrayal is like a crepe bedcovering, all wrinkled and puckered up. It can't be ironed out without becoming completely misshapen, so you must rest with it as it is, unsightly, yet warm. There is no good side to it. No way to turn it around to make it look better.

Or maybe it's like an illness. Does it not make you physically sick? When it hits, there's a rush of adrenaline so strong it makes you want to puke, followed by frenetic activity, most likely driven by denial. Because it can't be. How could he/she/they? And why? Why? WHY?

So you scour your soul, like a tweeker going after a bathtub ring. Perhaps, if you look hard enough, you'll find the BIG FLAW, that which made you deserve it in the first place. Pointless I say. Why kick your own ass? Go out and get that mofo that did you wrong. Better yet, fantasize about getting that mofo that did you wrong.

I think betrayal puts us in a position of vulnerability and volatility. It's a snake bite. It knocks us down and makes us retreat. The rest is necessary though. Gotta think, gotta assess, gotta be able to come back running. (or something like that....more coffee, please!)

Topic: Hiking

Jack Kerouac. Thank god for Jack Kerouac. (Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for your own joy) Before I ever stepped onto a trail with fifty pounds on my back and no notion of when I'd return to the civilized world, I bathed my head in his poetry words and his tales of unthinkable adventure. At fifteen, I picked up Dharma Bums. At seventeen, I was hitch-hiking back and forth across the US and climbimg mountains with no place but here and now to call home.

When I first set out vagabonding, I was a mountaineering virgin. My family didn't hike or camp. For summer vacation, we went to the beach and stayed in hotels. Of course, I had hiked, as in walking through the woods on a trail for a couple hours, but I had never really gone hiking, as in climb until you cry in agony at the dubious challenge you made for yourself.

And what better place to test my ability and see if I could handle Kerouacean experiences than Mount Washington, the highest peak in the northeast and home of the world's worst weather (that's what they say). I caught a ride up from Vermont, got to the park and weighed my pack before setting out on the trail on a full moon night. Forty-five pounds. Not bad. It didn't feel like forty-five pounds, at first.

I said so long to the park ranger and started up. See, it's a two day deal. You hike to a base camp, then do the climb with a day pack. So, on my way to base camp I'm feeling good, strong, alive, in a state of exaltation even. This is what it's all about. There's no time to think, only the steps ahead of you, how you'll avoid busting up your ankles and how blasted heavy the pack is starting to get. Very, very zen.

To hike in the night under a tree filled moonlit kaliedeoscope sky is to encounter bliss itself. Various reasons. The chance of random encounters with fairies, gnomes and other freaky hikers is at its peak. All senses are heightened, especially the extras - mystery and awe. It's oneness. It's purity. It's being. It IS. And so I am, in this heaven under the stars climbing to the place where I can find some folks to share my joy and my wine.